Beverage Scale


Had a cool idea. It’s four years overdue, but better late than never…

Every now and then a “study” will come out that is obviously a joke, proclaiming that beer, wine and liquor provide these amazing health benefits that cannot be acquired anywhere else. Lengthen your life, rejuvenate your skin and hair, embiggen your “wedding tackle” and all that. Well, whether the Obamafans realize it or not, this kind of humor is parody by way of slight exaggeration of what they’re doing when they pull out these studies from Brookings Institution, Economic Policy Institute and Public Policy Polling. In other words, rationalization. The words “research” and “evidence” and “fact” are tortured to fit into a context that isn’t quite suitable, to legitimize a questionable decision to which a commitment was already made anyway, and the commitment was made not for logical reasons but because it was demanded by a personality susceptible to addictions.

Come to think of it, Obama fandom has a lot of common traits with substance abuse. Perhaps they should call it “Obamaholism.” I’m pretty sure if you could identify the synapses that tend to get clogged up after a period of excessive imbibing, and then correlate it to the neural pathways that are in deteriorated shape when you dissect the brain of an Obama supporter, you’d find they’re the same ones.

Anyway, my idea was this: Days, weeks or months, or any other period of time within the Obama presidency could be rated according to a single question: How drunk could you get, and manage something as competently as President Obama is governing the country? The running average, from what I’ve been able to determine, is pretty damn high. How much can you drink before you can’t get up anymore, and when you try to, you end up flat on your ass? Somewhere around there.

Obama’s just like the drunk who’s about to p*ss himself, as everyone else at the party is rolling their eyes, shaking their heads, and exchanging worried glances as they try to figure out where his car keys are. He thinks every sound He makes is continuing evidence of His amazing talents — just like a drunk; nothing is ever His fault — just like a drunk; He is ignorant, in textbook-case Dunning Kruger style, of His own ignorance, just like a drunk. It doesn’t consciously register in His consciousness that there are some people who find Him annoying, because like a drunk, He has this feeling of hostility against their opinions and therefore against their consciousnesses, therefore of their very existences…consequently, it also doesn’t register to Him that, where He had worn out His welcome with just a few yesterday, there are more who are tired of His routine today, and there will be even more tomorrow. Just like a drunk, He thinks as long as there are some people around who still appreciate Him, that means everybody does, and if they don’t then they should.

Bill Clinton was somewhere around a six pack of beer with a couple whiskey chasers. He figured he was the life of the party, and some of us were tired of it from the very get-go, but it was a case of cultural conflict — and our ranks did not grow over time, by much anyway, because Bill Clinton really was “the life of the party.” His singing was off key but as long as a lot of other people wanted to sing along with him, and did so, it didn’t really matter. He stumbled around, occasionally bumping into a wall, and took credit for a lot of things when it was obvious he didn’t know enough about what he was doing, but a lot of people found that charming because it was understood he didn’t take himself that seriously.

Trouble with Obama is, the whole “flexibility after the election” thing. He is just going to get more and more overbearing — and drunk — because He knows damn good and well, He’s so polarizing that there are people who don’t like Him and are never gonna, and other people who completely love Him and are always gonna. His solution to this is to deliver a lot of speeches to try to make it so that His admirers are more influential, and those who have caught on to His bull squat, are less influential. Doesn’t that capture the essence of just about every Obama speech there’s ever been, lately? “These people should count, those people should not.” And how many thousands, perhaps millions, of words has His Majesty burned through to deliver that simple thought? It is increasingly and cumulatively embarrassing because the word-count of this drunkard garrulousness is increasingly and cumulatively mounting.

At this point, He is managing things with barely greater competence than a drunk who has passed out, in the sense that He’s giving speeches.

And, He is not the life of the party. He is a problem. He is the drunk from whom the car keys have already been taken, and He’s trying to grab them back. This party stopped being fun, for everyone in attendance, quite some time ago.

Cross-posted at House of Eratosthenes.

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