Breaking News! NRA doesn’t want Obama to be President!

We’re right in the middle of a feisty yet dreadfully dull election season — seriously, with patriot Obama and his patriot wife, I feel like I’m watching an endless loop of The Hope for Change Chronicles of Pretend Patriotism, where the story is stale, the acting is painful, and we’re all just commiserating over how bad life will be when those people on the television run the world – kinda like the sixth season of 24, but with even more politically correct appeasement. I’ve already decided on the Whatevs vote for President, Whatevs being the Bad Republican, because socialism has, so far, killed more people than illegal immigration and campaign finance reform combined (I think). So I’ve checked out already, wake me in November if there’s something good on television. I still check the headlines every day and read the funny political stuff (I didn’t give a rat’s toenail about politics until I learned about political humor) to stay informed, basically so I’ll know what the heck Frank is talking about most of the time.

Today I came across this Telegraph headline and about peed my pants in shock:

Barack Obama: National Rifle Association campaigns to keep him out of White House

Um, thanks, Captain Obvious, for your amazing insight. But of course I couldn’t stop reading, because the headline itself made me laugh.

America’s gun lobby is to launch an expensive advertising campaign this autumn designed to stop Barack Obama winning the presidential election.

I would have thought they’d try to stop the pro-gun candidate. Under Obama’s picture, they have a cute little description.

Mr Obama was careful to state his support for gun ownership but he is also a supporter of a ban on semi-automatic weapons

Ok, so Obama is all for Americans owning revolvers, most shotguns, and bolt-action rifles. That cuts out about eighty percent of the guns in our household. Good thing I carry a .38 special, or I’d have to get a new carry gun.

Mr Obama was careful after that ruling to state his support for gun ownership but he is also a supporter of a ban on semi-automatic weapons, most concealed weapons, and a limit on the number of handguns bought to one a month.

Most concealed weapons. So… maybe a Swiss Army knife? Or is that too weapony? Toothpicks are dangerous if you conceal them, and if someone attacks you with a 2×4, you should definitely not have the ability to remove his splinters, because that might hurt someone.

The significance of the campaign for Mr Obama is two-fold. It is likely to entrench opposition to his candidacy among white working class voters in the Appalachian region, who overwhelmingly supporter (sic) his opponent Hillary Clinton during the primary elections.

Typical white people. (The answer to your question is no, that never gets old.)

However, Robert Gibbs, Mr Obama’s communications secretary, said: “We think we’ll get the votes of plenty of gun owners, and gun owners will have a home with the Obama campaign.”

If by “gun owners,” Mr. Gibbs means “musket owners,” he might be on to something.

SarahK blogs about TV at Snark Raving Mad and other stuff at mountaineer musings. She’s married to Frank J. and has three cats and a dog, all of whom could totally pwn Patton.

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