Buck’s Opinion on the State of Union Speech Intelligence Fiasco
Buck’s Opinion on the State of Union Speech Intelligence Fiasco By Frank J. People have been making a big deal out of sixteen words in the President’s State of the Union speech, but it almost seems to me like they’re blowing things out of proportion. I don’t think whether that mention of uranium had been in speech or not would have changed whether we would go to war with Saddam, but I thought I’d get the opinion of someone who had actually been in Iraq risking his life on what he thought of this possible falsehood.
Hi, Buck here… Buck the Marine, that is. Now, I don’t get myself involved much in politics, I just kill fore’ners, but some people have been saying that President Bush lied and that, as a result, people have died. I’m here to tell you that, whether Bush told the truth or not, I would have killed lots of fore’ners. These were some bad people, and we can all be happy that they are now in fore’ner hell.
As for whether Iraq was trying to get uranium from Africa really concerns me, I have to say it did not. When I was in the midst of battle, my thoughts were not, “Kill’n these fore’ners is only justified because of Iraq trying to get uranium.” Instead, the thoughts going through my head were, “These people are sure foreign; I should kill them,” and, “It sure is satisfying to be kill’n these people who are foreign,” and, “I just killed me all them fore’ners; hope I can find some more,” and finally, “Ooh-rah!”
Now, maybe to the oppressed Iraqis, it was possible that they only wanted to be liberated if Iraq had tried to obtain uranium from Africa. There was a lot of cheering when we entered the cities, but a lot of what they said was in crazy fore’ner gibberish, so I can’t be sure what they said. One little Iraqi girl did run up to me and say, “Thank you, Mr. American,” which made me happy, and then she asked, “I heard some people did not want you to save us. Could you stab them with your big knife?” She was so sweet and innocent, so of course I had to tell her yes. I almost teared up at that point, and maybe that made me so distracted I missed her next statement of, “But, if it wasn’t true about what Bush said about Iraq and uranium in the State of the Union speech, could you please put Saddam back in power so he can torture my family,” but I doubt she said that.
Anyway, while in Iraq, I killed a lot of people, and, if they didn’t want to have been killed, they shouldn’t have been so foreign. And we were way too busy in that conflict to be parsing through the President’s State of the Union speech at the same time. Like I’ve said, I’m a Marine; not a politician. I’m just stating it as it is.
Godspeed to all the troops still in Iraq and Afghanistan, and may you find all the fore’ners still in need of kill’n. Ooh-rah!
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO.