Bush Hopeful New Darth Vader Comparisons Overtake Hitler Comparisons — Satire By Bob From Accounting
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Bush is hopeful the recent Darth Vader comparisons he’s experienced during the past month will soon overtake previous comparisons to Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin and other ruthless dictators known for murder, genocide, torture and oppression.
“The President is hopeful that his image will continue to soften during and after the premiere of the final Star Wars movie,” White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said at a press conference Tuesday. “President Bush is well aware that Darth Vader is considered a villain in most parts of the world, but deep inside the robotic exterior of the sadistic leader of the Dark Side, lurks a man who was not only a Jedi warrior but also the object of Natalie Portman’s affection. The President can live with that.”
Bush, who has seen all the Star Wars movies, denies ever actually rooting for the Dark Side, and has stated on multple occasions that as the leader of the free world he needs to remain fair and impartial and not seem like he’s taking sides. He uses the same approach during the Super Bowl.
“All I know is I’m not like Hitler at all,” Bush said at the White House Rose Garden Tuesday. “For starters Hitler was German and had a mustache. I’m American and I’ve never had a mustache. I had long sideburns during the seventies, but so did everyone else. That doesn’t make me like Hitler and I’m sick and tired of the unfair comparisons. As for Darth Vader, well, we’re both tall and have good jobs, so I guess you’ll just have to judge for yourself.”
Bush went on to say that he’s optimistic that people would rather see him as the cool-as-a cucumber leader Darth Vader than the former Nazi dictator responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent people.
“Darth Vader was a guy who thought he was doing the right thing,” Bush said. “He had a lot of responsibility and had to be tough sometimes. Maybe he made some bad decisions along the way, but I think he did the best he could.”
Added Bush, “The history books will show my legacy differently. And in fifty years, Darth Vader will probably be considered a genius.”
This satire was used with the permission of Bob From Accounting. You can read more of their work by clicking here.