Bush: Miers Views Not Clouded by Legal Scholarship — Satire by Scott Ott

As part of a third White House strategy to prop up the Supreme Court nomination of Harriet Miers, President George Bush announced today that Miss Miers is not “intellectually burdened” with detailed knowledge of the opinions of legal scholars regarding the Constitution.

“Justice Harriet Miers will read the Constitution like I would,” said the president. “I want someone who has a fresh perspective on the actual words of the document, rather than on what Chief Justice Earl Warren Burger wrote in 1812.”

Meanwhile, White House sources said, Miss Miers “pulled an all-nighter” preparing responses to a follow-up questionnaire from the Senate Judiciary Committee due today.

The nominee reportedly consulted several familiar legal reference works, including Cliffs Notes, U.S. Constitution for Dummies and the Schoolhouse Rock video on American history.

“I think the Judiciary Committee will find that Miss Miers is quite familiar with the Constitution,” Mr. Bush said. “During the vetting process, she actually sang the Preamble, which really impressed us. Even Chief Justice John Roberts didn’t do that.”

This content was used with the permission of Scrappleface.

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