Bush Secret Plan to Draft Elderly Revealed By Scott Ott

Previously unseen documents released by the Kerry-Edwards campaign today reveal a secret Bush administration plan to draft the elderly into military service.

“If George W. Bush wins this election, I warn you that he will kill two birds with one stone,” said John Forbes Kerry, the Democrat presidential candidate. “He’ll bail out Social Security by sending our nation’s grandparents to the front lines in Iraq to die in the wrong war.”

Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. Senator, said, “Senior citizens are patriotic, plentiful and many of them still have their old military uniforms and vintage rifles from World War II and Korea. It’s a cynical scheme, and that’s why this administration is hiding it until January.”

According to details of the secret Bush plan, backdoor-drafted National Guard and Reserve troops will come home rapidly as they’re replaced by five divisions of combat-ready “geriatric GIs.”

To date, the Pentagon has not specifically denied the existence of the alleged secret plan dubbed ‘Operation Joint Replacement.’

President Bush, asked to respond to the Kerry allegation during a campaign stop, said, “This is the first I’ve heard of it. But we don’t need to draft our seniors. If we’d let ’em, they’d volunteer. Next question.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work here.

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