CIA Leaks Again: Shhh! Don’t Tell Bin Laden

CIA Leaks Again: Shhh! Don’t Tell Bin Laden By Scott Ott: U.S. and Pakistani intelligence authorities are asking the public not to tell Usama bin Laden or any of his followers about all the information they’re leaking to global news organizations.

For example, USA Today ran a story revealing that Khalid Shaikh Mohammed’s laptop computer has a list of locations of several of Mr. bin Laden’s ‘safe houses.’

“That’s the kind of thing we don’t want anyone to tell bin Laden,” said an unnamed U.S. agent at a news briefing. “We definitely don’t want him to know that we know where he might go next. So, please keep this information between yourselves and your readers, viewers and listeners.”

The agent went on to explain that the hunt for al Qaeda’s leader is the most important intelligence operation ever mounted and secrecy is crucial. He pointed to a map of the Baluchistan region indicating where U.S. agents are currently searching, and handed out a list of GPS coordinates for each search team.

He was about to discuss the CIA’s greatest vulnerability when a phone call interrupted the news conference.

Cupping his hand over the cell phone, the spokesman said, “It’s that Saudi Prince who’s helping us search. If bin Laden knew that some of his best friends are squealing like pigs, he’d have a conniption.”

If you liked this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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