Dean Makes Bid to Take Democrat Party National By Scott Ott

Howard Dean, the former potential presidential nominee, said today that if he’s selected as chairman of the Democrat party, he’ll lead “the first genuine effort” to make the DNC a national organization, appealing to voters beyond its historical roots in a few urban areas along the continental coastline.

“During my campaign, I discovered that large sections of the southern and midwestern territories actually had been settled by British and European immigrants and had been divided up into states some years ago,” said Mr. Dean. “As chairman of the DNC, I would send expeditions into these regions to learn about the folkways of their inhabitants and to attempt to build peaceful alliances with them.”

Mr. Dean said many Democrats would be surprised to learn that the natives in the so-called “red states” are primarily Republicans, not Indians.

“Perhaps it’s fantasy to suggest that we can bring our intellectual, flexible Democrat ideology to this primitive, dogmatic alien culture,” he said. “But it’s no more unlikely than my presidential campaign, and if we use the right words — you know, small ones — we just might win.”

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