Dean Says He’s Not Metrosexual, but Metropopulist By Scott Ott

Presidential candidate Howard Dean today renounced his previous confession of metrosexuality, and officially declared himself a ‘metropopulist’ — a hot new buzzphrase for politicians who are “in touch with their average American side”.

“I’m a wealthy former medical internist who also served as governor,” said Mr. Dean, “So, I’m the ultimate power-elite insider. But that don’t mean I can’t relate to ‘Joe and Jennifer Sixpack’ — you know, the average working stiffs.”

While a metrosexual is a “dandyish narcissist” in love with himself and his lifestyle, a metropopulist becomes enamored with his own campaign-generated media image as a kind of noble savage.

“Sometimes I look in the mirror,” said Mr. Dean, “and I roll up my sleeves and flex my neck muscles until the veins stand out, and I say to myself, ‘Howie, you are one righteous prole! You’re just like the little people who send you money through the Internet.’ O yeah! I know what you want from government.'”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

Share this!

Enjoy reading? Share it with your friends!

Send this to friend