Dem Candidates Try Versions of Bush Taunt
Dem Candidates Try Versions of Bush Taunt By Scott Ott: After seeing the news coverage that U.S. President George Bush generated last week with his “bring ’em on” comment regarding Iraqi terrorists, several Democrat presidential candidates are testing their own versions of a brash taunt.
“There are some who feel that the conditions are such that they can attack us [in Iraq],” Bush said. “My answer is: Bring ’em on. We’ve got the force necessary to deal with the security situation.”
In an effort to appear strong on defense and tough internationally, the Democrat hopefuls have put several dozen macho phrases before focus groups this week, including the following.
Howard Dean: “My answer is: Bring ’em home. We’re ashamed that we used force to free the Iraqi people.”
Al Sharpton: “My answer is: Bring in da noise. Bring in da funk.”
John Kerry: “My answer is: I’m a Vietnam veteran. Need I say more?”
John Edwards: “My answer is: Mister, you’ll be hearing from my attorney. Wait…I am an attorney. Well then, you’ll be getting a terse letter from me if you don’t cease and desist.”
Dick Gephardt: “I’m issuing an executive order to stop these attacks.”
Carol Mosely-Braun: “Is this thing on? Can you hear me now? Am I still running for president?”
Dennis Kucinich: “Back off, or I’ll do the same thing to you that I did to Cleveland when I was mayor.”
Joe Lieberman: “Look within yourself and answer this question: Is it right to shoot our troops?”
Bob Graham: “My answer is: I disavow anything Franklin Graham says about Muslims. I am not related to Franklin or Billy Graham.”
If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.