Eavesdrop On My Life — Satire By Moxie

Friday, in the midst of a heated lefty-dominated conversation regarding — what else — the “non-mythical” status of global warming and how Bush & Co. are destroying the earth, the part of me that just can’t shut up happened to win the mental tug-of-war and blurted,

“I suppose now would be a bad time to mention that I emptied my ashtray out the window on the 405, while pushing my 20-year-old sports car up to 90 MPH…”

The lefties laughed.

“No, no no. Don’t laugh. I’m not kidding.”

This type of right-wing honesty is something far too subtle and nuanced for a liberal to understand.

We on the right DO want to destroy the earth — who’s pretending not to have an orgasm over one melting glacier? Raise your hand. It’s okay, this is a private forum.

The amusing thing is, liberals constantly want to debate us on our utter disgust for the ground we inhabit.

Lefty: You right wing nuts hate the earth!
Righty: Pretty much.
Lefty: Why do you pretend not to be controlled by big oil?
Righty: Hey, just the other day I used a Halliburton stock certificate as a cocktail napkin….
Lefty: Bush & Co. want to rape our earth! They want to abort civilization. Tell me I am wrong.
Righty: You are exactly right.
Lefty: So you won’t admit you want to destroy our environment?
Righty: I refuse to say that I don’t want to destroy your environment.
Lefty:
Righty: The Earth’s destruction is a priority, mainly because we have these little parasitic clumps of cells called liberals living in these horrible places called blue states.
Lefty:

I’m not a believer in god — because if he existed, each time I typed — somewhere in Amerika a hippie would die a little inside. At the very least, a little fuzzy creature would kick it. Either one would make a fabulous furry shawl.

This satire was used with the permission of the blogosphere’s hottest woman, Moxie.

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