Elect Cave Troll For President — Satire By Frank J.
Many uneasy of electing evil, hideous, inhuman beast, which is why cave troll offers himself as alternative to Hillary in Democratic primary. While cave troll can not honestly claim to care about puny humans, he promise only to kill them if hungry. Will you get a similar promise from Hillary? Do not make cave troll laugh! Seriously, that causes cave ins.
Cave troll has long accomplished record of guarding cave (it’s not like me claim experience for being married to one who guards cave). I smash many human and tiny hobbits. I bring this direct problem solving to the presidency. Unlike Hillary, cave troll will tell you exactly what he thinks on issues. Like torture: Cave troll against torture. Torture too complex for cave troll’s giant hands. Cave troll only like to smash and make dead. And if you ask cave troll about drivers license for illegal immigrants, cave troll will not dodge question. Cave troll smash!
Cave troll not only give opinions. Cave troll also offer solutions. Here is cave troll’s solutions for important issues:
* Tax Cuts for Rich: Cave troll smash with club!
* Illegal Wiretaps: Cave troll smash with fist!
* Social Security: Cave troll smash with war hammer! (but leave benefits for seniors and those about to retire unaffected; cave troll not stupid)
* Homelessness: Me eat homeless!
* Racism: Cave troll stomp!
* Illegal Immigration: Unsolvable.
You should also know that cave troll was always against invading Iraq. Why does Iraq have to do with cave troll’s cave? Nothing, so it of not importance to cave troll. Great wisdom there. If you elect cave troll, you know troops will come home soon. They will have to so they can fight cave troll! Graaah!
If you look at issues, you will see that cave troll obvious better choice for president than monstrous Hillary. Me hope you consider voting for cave troll in Democratic primary and bring Democratic party back to its roots. And, though me eat humans, know that afterwards I always leave tip.
This satire was used with the permission of IMAO.