Environmentalists Have a Brand New Target: Phone Books

Across this great nation, environmental groups have been waging a war. A long war. A hot war. A war on that great menace to society, that irrepressible environmental monster that tortures our very existence, that tree-wasting behemoth that haunts their very nightmares, that booster seat for short people who drive really big cars: the Yellow Pages.

But learning that about the Yellow Pages takes a bit of research—research that liberal city councils across the country aren’t doing as they undertake a massive war on what they deem not only an irrepressible nuisance but an environmental disaster as well. That’s right, of all of the societal ills local governments could address, they’re looking to take on the Yellow Pages. San Francisco, of course, has already led the way, and Berkeley, Alameda, Cleveland and other cities would like to follow suit. According to BanthePhoneBook.org, a site set up by those who seek to see the Yellow Pages (radical environmentalists among them) banished from existence, nearly five million trees are murdered per year just to bring you reliable information about plumbers and personal injury lawyers.

You can also stick – who else – Chicago in the mix (because what liberal cause doesn’t succeed without somehow involving Chicago?). And sure, on it’s face it seems like a good idea, right? I mean, who in the world still uses the phone book? Well, it turns out, like, half of Americans, regardless of age, use the phone book as their primary way of looking up information on local resources. And its made of mostly recycled material. And poor people love it because – get this – you don’t have to own an expensive smart phone or pay exorbitant costs for wi-fi to be able to find a decent place to eat or a decent lawyer within a ten mile radius.

But obviously, liberals know what’s best for poor people, so they’re taking the first step in eliminating the phone book across the country for you using all of the government resources at their disposal.

But like almost all liberal solutions to “problems,” there’s already a pretty decent market driven solution that already exists and is seeing results: a voluntary opt-out that the Yellow Pages itself offers. Yep. That’s right. If you don’t want the Yellow Pages terrorizing your home, you can go to the website and refuse delivery of the Yellow Pages, thus ensuring that you will be safe from its zombie-like clutches. So not only is all of this brou-ha-ha over the Yellow Pages totally ridiculous from an environmental standpoint, but it is utterly and completely unnecessary.

You almost wonder what they could accomplish if they spent their time doing real work.


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