Euro-Scientists Accused Of ‘Rover-Envy’ By Cody Farley

“Simply Awesome!” That’s how scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory describe the adrenaline rush from the renewed success of their Mars ‘Spirit’ rover this past week. The Mars probe mission has performed flawlessly since recovery with Mission Controllers releasing dozens of color photos in the past 48 hours.

But not everyone was enthusiastic.

“It’s just more American arrogance,” says Belgium scientist Nathan Shingle, with the European Space Agency (ESA). The agency’s own Mars rover, ‘Beagle’, has not responded to signals since its scheduled landing in December and is presumed lost. “There’s nothing more loathsome than seeing NASA eggheads dance around doing high-fives, ‘Look at me, look at me!’ We’re on Mars!’ Bleh, whatever.”

Mars Project Manager James August accused the Europeans of suffering from ‘Rover-Envy.’ “Looks like someone used a bargain brand rover, ” said August. He went on to state that two out of three scientists surveyed preferred NASA rovers over the no-name brand rover.

“Says who?” countered Shingle, heatedly. “There’s no survey, they are making that up!”

As for the color photos from ‘Spirit’, Shingle and his German counterpart, Vaas Hoffseig, seemed unimpressed.

“Have you seen those pictures?” said Hoffseig. “Big whoop! I swear they took the old Viking photos from 1977 and just Photoshopped them. I laughed when I saw them!”

“I thought they were boring,” Shingle interjected.

“They were funny and boring,” Hoffseig added. “I laughed, then quickly fell asleep.”

August shrugged off the Rover Envy with a grin. “If those guys want some help we’d be glad to, you know, give them a few pointers. Maybe our rover will stumble over their dead one, and we can give it a little push. What’s it called again? Bagle?”

If you enjoyed this satire by Cody Farley, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

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