Following Chuck Hagel’s Lead: I’d Like To Announce That I Am Not Running For President

I’m avoiding commenting on the 2008 Republican presidential contenders since I am consulting for the Duncan Hunter campaign through TCV Media, but I don’t see any reason why I can’t talk about the non-contenders — especially when we’re discussing a non-contender who has such a huge, bloated, planet sized ego that he felt compelled to have a press conference to announce that he’s NOT running — right now.

Is this going to be a new trend? Candidates who have no chance of winning holding press conferences to announce that they’re not planning on running? If so, maybe I should go ahead and get it over with since I have about as good a shot as Chuck Hagel at winning the Republican nomination.

Ahem…

My fellow Americans. I have created this post to let all of you know that I am not running for President in 2008 because I can’t win. Now of course, if things change in the future and there is an enormous groundswell of enthusiasm for candidacy, as opposed to the zero conservatives who are clamoring for me to run right now, I may change my mind.

Also, since I can’t possibly win, one other possibility I could consider would be running as an independent in 2008 in a spiteful effort to drain support away from the Republican candidate so I can get revenge against conservatives for rejecting me. Some might say that sort of grandstanding would show that I was an egomaniac who wasn’t even fit to be in the US Senate. They’d be right and that’s why I won’t consider making that sort of doomed, quixotic run at the president.

Instead, I may simply sit back and pout like a spoiled 5 year old girl because many people in my own party don’t agree with me about one of the biggest issues of the day. Additionally, I may try to seek my revenge against them by talking about impeachment and working with the Democrats to undercut the troops in Iraq because their success isn’t as important as justifying my political stance, even though I voted for the war in Iraq. Wait, on second thought, I’m not going do that because that would make me look like a huge jerk and worse yet, a crybaby.

Yours truly

John Hawkins

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