George Bush Sends Death Wish To Injured Troop — Satire By Liberal Larry
Specialist Joshua Sparling received only one greeting card this holiday season, which is more than any of the Muslim freedom fighters he killed ever will. But when he tore open the envelope and read the note inside, he was’t treated to warm words of gratitude or friendly yuletide well-wishes. Instead, Sparling was sucker punched by a sick, twisted scumbag and a horrible waste of human flesh.
Dear Soldier, the crudely handwritten card began. Have a great time in the war and have a great time dieing [sic] in the war. From Miguel. P.S. DIE!
Bush obviously went to great lengths to make the letter seem as if an anti-war progressive crafted it. I wouldn’t be surprised if the chimp scrawled the message himself. Whether he did so to falsely portray the anti-war movement as a bunch of drooling moonbats, or to incite hatred against Hispanic youths, only a dyed-in-the-wool conservative moron is capable of such deplorable spelling and grammer.
The dead giveaway, however, is the postscript: P.S. Die!. Nice try, “Miguel”, but everyone knows it’s the chickenhawk neocons in the White House who are gleefully sending our tots off to die, not peace-loving progressives. Liberals have been fighting since day one to bring them home quickly and safely. Shamed, defeated, and with their tails tucked between their legs, but otherwise alive and ready to campaign against those who forced them to fight a losing war based on doctored intelligence. Writing vile hate mail to the men and women in uniform will just put a bee in their collective helmets and make them want to go on fighting, if only out of pure redneck spite. Instead, progressives must help them open their eyes and realize that they’re victims of the Bush War Machine just as much as the innocent Iraqi children they were ordered to murder.
If the greeting card Sparling received had been written by an actual liberal peace activist instead of George Dumbya Bush, it would have said something like, “Dear Quran-Mishandling Babykiller: While you’ve been off slaughtering Iraqi women and children so Halliburton CEO’s can buy new Ferraris for their kids this Christmas, the unscrupulous recruiter that tricked you into joining up is banging your wife/girlfriend/partner and forcing her to carry the pregnancy to term. Give up and come home soon. Your pal, Lawrence B. Chomstein. P.S. Where’s Osama?”
That’s exactly how I worded the cards I mailed off to Wally Reed this afternoon, after blowing the last of my paycheck on crayons and postage stamps. I also included a 120-minute calling card so our genital-mocking soldiers can phone John Kerry for the truth about what barbaric monsters they’ve all become. I encourage all my readers to do the same. Together, we can show Pvt. Spooball, or whatever his name, that progressives are the ones who truly “support the troops
This satire was used with the permission of BlameBush!.