Iran Pleads with UN: ‘Slap Us with Sanctions Like Saddam’s’ By Scott Ott

Just a day after news that Saddam Hussein bilked the United Nations out of more than $21.3 billion during the 13 years Iraq languished under U.N. sanctions, the chief Iranian nuclear negotiator pleaded with the Security Council to “slap us with sanctions like Saddam’s.”

“We expect equal treatment,” said Hassan Rowhani, who recently told European leaders that his government will freeze its uranium enrichment program while it negotiates the benefits it will receive for not developing nuclear weapons.

“We don’t want any special favors,” said Mr. Rowhani. “Just hit us with those harsh sanctions and that humanitarian oil-for-food program that brought Saddam to his knees in a prayer of thanksgiving to Allah.”

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan warned Iran that “such saber rattling could indeed bring down the wrath of the Council.”

“In light of the massive siphoning of funds in Iraq, which likely benefitted some U.N. staffers as well, this time I alone will supervise the disbursements,” said Mr. Annan. “If there is profit to be made through sanctions and humanitarian aid to dangerous, totalitarian regimes, I will know it personally and take action that I deem appropriate and beneficial.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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