James Wolcott Impersonates A “Commoner”
To infiltrate myself among the people and impersonate a commoner (the better to understand the culture we’re in), I made one of my secret incursions into Macdonald’s for breakfast this morning, where I perused the New York Post over a nutritious meal and a premium coffee.
Oooh, did you dress to make yourself look like a “commoner,” James? Did you take off your top hat and monocle? Can’t you just picture him taking in a little baggy full of vegetarian quiche with him into McDonald’s? I bet he was puzzled when he noticed there wasn’t an attendant in the bathroom handing out towels. Maybe he figured the guy hadn’t gotten there yet.
What a snob Wolcott is…
*** Update #1 ***: Space Monkey does his Wolcott impression in the comments section (with slight editing from JH):
“I wore a cheap $700 suit and Gucci silk tie leftover from last spring to blend in. I decided not to call for reservations or make use of my name for preferential seating. Upon arrival, I couldn’t find the maitre d’, but noticed a queue of these people forming in front of a utilitarian shelf made apparently of stainless steel, very industrial and very 2003. I took my place in the queue hoping against hope none of the commoners would touch me.”