Jeff Goldstein Sums Up The Official Democratic Response To The State Of The Union Address

Iraq: DON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES! IT’S A FREAKING MESS!

Social Security: WITH OUR PLAN, EVERYONE GETS BENEFITS FOR EVER AND EVER, AND NOTHING EVER NEED CHANGE. WITH THE PRESIDENT’S PLAN? HELL ON EARTH AND ETERNAL DAMNATION (SECULARLY SPEAKING), WITH SENIORS FORCED TO SURVIVE ON FRUIT ROLL-UPS AND TANG CRYSTALS. WHILE SLEEPING IN SEWAGE.

The War on Terror: WE ARE NOT SAFE! BUSH HAS NOT MADE US SAFE! THE ONLY REASON WE HAVEN’T BEEN ATTACKED SINCE 911 IS THAT ISLAMISTS USE A DIFFERENT CALENDAR. TO THEM, IT’S ONLY BEEN, LIKE, 5 DAYS SINCE THEY ATTACKED! BUT WHEN THAT FIRST WEEK ENDS…LOOK OUT!

Healthcare: BUSHCO IS GOING TO KILL YOU! KILL YOU! BUT STICK WITH US AND CHRISTOPHER REEVE RISES FROM THE GRAVE AND WALKS!

BOO BOOOOOOOO!

Content used with permission of Jeff Goldstein from Protein Wisdom. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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