John Kerry: Please Just Pretend I’m Not Here By The Chortler

Hi everyone. I’m John Kerry, the Democratic nominee for president. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for disturbing your busy schedules. Ever since I won the nomination a couple of months ago I have tried to stay out of your way as much as possible.

I am proud to say that my efforts have paid off. A person would have had to try awfully hard to find my name mentioned anywhere in the past few weeks.

Nevertheless, before the election in November you might see my name mentioned here and there on various newscasts and in newspapers. I will try to keep those mentions to a minimum because I don’t wish to distract you from your everyday problems.

Surely you have better things to do than think about my positions on Iraq, the budget and various social issues.

Occasionally you may catch an advertisement of mine on television. Just feel free to turn the volume down or run off to get a drink so as it won’t get in the way of your viewing pleasure.

Again, sorry for bothering you. Please carry on with what you were doing and just try and pretend that I am not here.

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