Joooos! By Frank J.

The Malaysian Prime Minister said that Jews control the world. All this time I thought it was gravity, but, no, it was the Jews! When there was a big uproar against his statements, the PM said that only proved that Jews control the world. It’s good we have Malaysian Prime Ministers to figure things out like that for us.

You probably are wondering why the Jews get blamed for everything and not someone else like the Polynesians. Well, it’s because “Jews” is easy and fun to yell. Try it right now. Just shake your fist in the air and shout, “JEWS!” Isn’t that fun.

And any time you spill ketchup on yourself, drop your pen, or run out of toilet paper, instead of moping there feeling sorry for yourself, it’s a lot more satisfying to shout out angrily, “JEWS!”

Anyway, the Jews do have an overly large influence in the world if you think about it. Why are bagels so good and plentiful in New York City? It’s because of the…

JEWS!

Why is their kosher salt available at the supermarket? It’s on account of…

JEWS!

Ever been called a “schmuck” or accused of having “chutzpah”? People wouldn’t use those words if it weren’t for the…

JEWS!

Seen a synagogue in your town? It’s only there because of the…

JEWS!

I’ve also heard that the Jews killed Jesus (actually, there’s a whole film produced by Mel Gibson coming out about the crucifixion of which the working title is Look What Those Pesky Jews Did!). It seems strange to get angry about that, though, since Jesus came back to life a few days later; no harm, no foul. But did you know that Jesus was Jewish? Maybe Christianity is some big Jewish conspiracy. Ever get annoyed about having to get up early on a Sunday to go to church? Well, it’s because of the…

JOOOOOS!

And what about terrorism? You know why terrorists bomb people? It’s because they’re ignorant murderous, scumbags. But how do they have energy to commit their attacks? Because they eat food. And what do they eat? Goat and lambs. And what’s a female lamb called? It’s called an…

EWE!

Which sounds a lot like…

JEW!

Which doesn’t prove anything… but it doesn’t disprove anything either!

And just today, a Jewish coworker of mine had me read an ICD. So I told him, “That was boring! And stop ruling the world by proxy!”

And he said, “No. And don’t forget about the PDR today.”

What’s with all these acronyms in engineering? Must be because of the…

JOOOOOOOOS!!!

And don’t someone call me an anti-Semite now, because I have no idea what a Semite is. It does kinda sound like something I wouldn’t like, but I can’t be sure.

Oh, if you didn’t like this post, send hate mail to either Meryl Yourish, Laurence Simon, or Eugene Volokh who run the blogosphere by proxy.

And one more thing:

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!

If you liked this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.

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