Kennedy Slams Unnamed Supreme Court Nominee — Satire By Scott Ott

Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA, today criticized President George Bush’s as-yet-unnamed replacement for retiring Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor as a “brutal, Bible-thumping, right-wing ideologue who hates minorities, women and cocker spaniels.”

“He or she is clearly outside the mainstream of American values,” said Sen. Kennedy. “President Bush has again ignored the Senate’s ‘advice and consent’ role, forcing Democrats to filibuster this outrageous nominee.”

The Massachusetts Senator said his aides have already discovered “reams of memos” showing that the man or woman Mr. Bush will appoint has “a history of abusing subordinates, dodging military service, hiring undocumented workers, spanking his or her children and rolling back the clock on human rights to the days when the Pharaohs ruled Egypt with an iron fist.”

The Senator’s office issued a news release to the media documenting the allegations against the potential high court judge, with a convenient blank line allowing reporters to fill in the nominee’s name as soon as that information is leaked.

This satire was used with the permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface.

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