Kerry Calls Bush Poll Lead ‘Wrong Bounce at Wrong Time’ By Scott Ott

Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today said the lead that President George Bush has taken in the polls since the Republican Convention is “the wrong bounce at the wrong time and it’s wrong for America.”

“The W in George W. Bush still stands for wrong,” said Mr. Kerry, renewing his latest campaign slogan. “It’s wrong to mislead Americans into choosing you in presidential preference polls. It’s wrong to let ideology, character and so-called ‘principles’ blind you to the subtlety and nuance of modern statesmanship. It’s wrong to dominate your adversary in a way that makes him feel bad about himself and his future.”

Mr. Kerry, a Vietnam veteran and distinguished anti-war protestor who is also a U.S. Senator, said the “polls don’t mean anything to me right now.”

“A couple of months ago when I was leading Mr. Bush, the polls were clearly an accurate barometer of public sentiment,” he said. “But now they’re wrong, wrong, wrong.”

The Democrat candidate said he if he were conducting the polling research, “I wouldn’t have just done some things differently, I would have done almost everything differently. As a consequence, we wouldn’t have had some of America’s finest men bogged down in this unwinnable conflict–dare I say, this quagmire.”

President Bush, asked to respond to Mr. Kerry’s latest attacks said, “The W stands for ‘whatever’. That’s my response. Next question.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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