Kerry: Fat-Cats Pad Payrolls To Boost Bush By Scott Ott
In the aftermath of news that 308,000 new jobs were created in March, Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry said today that “corporate fat-cats are padding their payrolls with unneeded workers to help George Bush win the election.”
“These wealthy special interests are so desperate to give Bush some good news, that they’ve hired 308,000 people that they don’t need,” said Mr. Kerry. “Some say this is an expression of hope for a better future, but I think it’s the worst sort of cynicism. Many of these same 308,000 will some day lose their jobs, and that tragic loss must be laid at the doorstep of George W. Bush who did nothing to stop his wealthy cronies from hiring these future unemployed people.”
Mr. Kerry added that the corporations were just using the 308,000 new employees to take advantage of the “tax breaks for the rich” because salaries and benefits are deductible corporate expenses.
The senator from Massachusetts also suggested that the job creation figures had been manipulated.
“One must ask oneself whether these new jobs are real,” he said, “since it is common knowledge that companies don’t add more employees during a recession, but only during a recovery or in good economic times, and the latter scenarios are simply unthinkable.”
If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.