Kerry Ignores Reports That He Is ‘Aloof’ By Scott Ott

by John Hawkins | February 9, 2004 8:21 pm

Democrat presidential frontrunner Sen. John F. Kerry today ignored reports that he is ‘aloof[1]‘ and dismissed charges that he is ‘patrician’ or ‘aristocratic’, calling the the latter “lies promulgated by provincial proletarians — the ignorant hoi polloi.”

As reporters pressed Mr. Kerry about his alleged aloofness, the junior senator from Massachusetts casually waved his hand, as if brushing off crumbs from his necktie. He then continued to talk about his service in Vietnam in contrast with President George Bush’s “on again, off again stint in the National Guard.”

During a campaign stop at a restaurant, Mr. Kerry carefully carved a pizza slice with a knife and nibbled small morsels of it from a fork as he told some local people about his service in Vietnam.

He used the occasion to again refute claims that his noble lineage sets him apart from most Americans.

“Just because I was born into wealth, attended an Ivy League school, married two wealthy women and live in a multimillion dollar home in Boston’s finest neighborhood, doesn’t mean that I can’t identify with the common man,” said Mr. Kerry. “I can relate to the average Joe Sixpack. He loves to hear about my service in Vietnam and I enjoy talking about it. So we have something in common.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface[2].

Endnotes:
  1. aloof: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/02/08/politics/campaign/08KERR.html
  2. Scrappleface: http://www.scrappleface

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