Kerry Says Americans Should Marry Rich Widows By William Grim

Washington, DC – Speaking before the National Association of Economists yesterday, Senator John Kerry, Democrat candidate for President, presented his plan for the economic revitalization of the United States.

“President Bush has devastated the economy of the United States by emphasizing discredited ideas such as economic growth, productivity, and entrepreneurship,” said Senator Kerry. “We all know that the only way to stimulate the economy is to have people marry rich widows.”

In a statement released by the Kerry campaign, the Senator says that if elected he will eliminate the Commerce, Labor and Treasury Departments as well as the Federal reserve, and will replace them with a Department of Hooking Up which will be in charge of pairing up sexually active unemployed American men with rich widows from throughout the world.

In related news, the Kerry campaign has come out in favor of gay marriage, but only as long as one of the partners is extremely wealthy.

If you enjoyed this satire by William Grim, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

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