Majority Of Kerry Voters Believe He Is Not Bush By Andy Borowitz
Not-Bushness Key to Dem’s Appeal, Poll Suggests
In a new Time/CNN poll released today, a majority of voters supporting Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) for president agreed with the statement, “He is not George Bush.”
The poll results seem to indicate that Mr. Kerry’s status as someone who is not President Bush is pivotal to his appeal among those who support him.
Of those surveyed, 98% said they believed that John Kerry was not George Bush, with a scant 2% answering “Don’t know.”
Asked to name the issue that concerned them most, 9% of Kerry voters named “improving the economy,” 12% named “fighting terrorism,” and a whopping 79% named “electing someone who is not George Bush.”
“With weeks to go until our convention, it’s significant that so many voters already believe that John Kerry is not George Bush,” said Kerry strategist Bob Shrum. “Once our ad buys get underway, we expect the number of people believing John Kerry is not George Bush will only increase.”
Perhaps in response to the poll results, the Bush campaign today responded with a series of ads intended to plant seeds of doubt in the voters’ minds about whether or not John Kerry is, in fact, not George Bush.
Emphasizing that both men went to Yale and were members of the secret society Skull and Bones, the new ads end with an announcer saying, “John Kerry: maybe he is George Bush.”
Libby McCleod, a Kerry supporter in the battleground state of Ohio, said she was “troubled” by the ad and was now considering voting for Ralph Nader: “He’s still not Bush, right?”
If you enjoyed this satire by Andy Borowitz, you can read more of his work at The Borowitz Report.