Males Proven A Minority, Demand Equality From Female Oppressors
Males Proven A Minority, Demand Equality From Female Oppressors By Shawn M. Thorgersen: NEW YORK – Research proving that there are more females than males in the United States has prompted men to gather in protest against the female majority. “We’re a minority, and we’re going to complain like a minority!” shouted one protester.
“We’ve taken their tyranny for too long,” said another activist. “It’s time to bring The Woman down!”
According to the Census Bureau, the U.S. population is composed of 49.1% males and 50.9% females. The 1.8% difference makes, according to the gathering males, a “huge difference” in the way men have been treated throughout history. Jack Dillon, a leader of the growing protest, states, “There’s like, this ceiling above males in the work force. You can’t really see it, but you know it’s there, and it keeps guys like me from getting better salaries.”
One protester, demanding to be heard, removed his briefs and lit them on fire. “I am Man, hear me say things!” Another added, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!”
Marcus Donzelli, a student and aspiring model, stated, “Look at the magazines- what do you see on the cover? Women everywhere. On women’s magazines and men’s magazines! This inequality has to stop!”
Another demonstrator, Manny “Monica” Garcez, an employee at Lucky Cheng’s, commented, “Maybe now people will understand why I dress up. It’s a woman’s world, boys. Get used to it.”
A handful of real women appeared on the scene, some also in protest. Said Jenny Gilbert of New Jersey, “I had no idea that we [women] were hurting our brothers so much.” Another female, who wished to remain anonymous, remarked, “I don’t really have a problem with all of this protesting. It’s cute, and it makes the men feel important, but it’s not like it’s going to change anything.”
The event ended peacefully at four p.m., when a local bar began its happy hour. When asked if there would be another rally, many were unsure. Dillon stated, “We need a leader. Preferably a reverend – they seem to be good at this kind of stuff.”
If you liked this satire by Shawn Thorgersen, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.