Middle East Suddenly Made Dangerous By Yassin Assassination By Rip Rowan
Governments around the world have condemned the assassination of Sheik Ahmed Yassin.
Yassin, a “frail quadriplegic who could barely see”, was an activist credited as being the “spritual leader” of Hamas. Hamas is an humanitarian organization which “has established charitable funds to establish schools, clinics and hospitals that provide free services to families in distress.”
“The assassination of Sheik Yassin threatens to end decades of peace, tranquility, and goodwill between the Palestenians and Israelis,” said German Foreign Minister Joska Fischer. “This tragedy could spell the end of this blissful harmony.”
French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man) weighed in on the assassination. “Sacrebleu! The Palestenians are a peaceful people. But now, surely this assault on their spiritual leader will result in violence.”
De Villepin added, “Should this violence spill over into Europe, the French stand ready to surrender at once.”
“The US condemns this attack on the handi-capable,” said State Department spokesman Richard Boucher. “Now no quadriplegic can feel safe, even in the safety of their own compound. I am particularly concerned for the safety of other high-profile quadriplegics such as Christopher Reeve and Stephen Hawking.”
Boucher added, “Attempting to reduce terrorism by removing the leadership is a failed strategy that cannot possibly work. Also, by the way, the bounty on Osama has been raised to a cool $50 mil.”
If you enjoyed this satire by Rip Rowan, you can read more of his work at The Skeptician.