Nervous Hussein Posts Resume On Major Internet Sites

Nervous Hussein Posts Resume On Major Internet Sites By G. Alan Groop: San Jose, California – Companies worldwide, searching for job candidates, may have been surprised to see the newly-posted resume of Saddam Hussein appear on several of the major internet job search sites. This action by Hussein may be an indicator that he has begun accepting the speculation swirling about his limited future as the Iraqi dictator.

Highlights of the resume, which details current and past work history, include:

Professional Objective: Obtain a position, commensurate with my experience and background, which will allow me total, unfettered control of a large country or company.

1979 – Present President and Dictator of Iraq: Responsible for all decisions, policies, personnel, financial matters, facilities, operations, planning, public relations, rules enforcement, mergers and acquisitions, supplier management, contracts, as well as numerous other aspects related to the day-to-day operations of a dictatorship.

“Throughout my tenure, I have always considered myself a people-oriented dictator. My reputation as a popular, benevolent leader, is clearly reflected in the fact that I received 100% of the vote in my most recent election. Some countries leaders cannot even claim to have won the popular vote in their election.

“On paper, he has a number of very good skills which may be attractive to specific companies,” states professional recruiter Tom Woltron of “The Woltron Group”. “Major companies, and some developing countries, are looking for aggressive, proven leadership. He clearly fits this mold, but there are significant potential problems, in how Hussein implements business decisions, that may deter companies from hiring him”, Woltron suggests. “Take for example the typical company’s approach to terminating problem employees versus Hussein’s solution. Most companies offer 60 days written notice, a severance package, and COBRA insurance coverage. Hussein may choose to handle this situation, as he has in the past, with a good, strong batch of mustard gas. While this is a more cost-effective, near-term solution, this heavy-handed approach does tend to make shareholders uneasy”. Woltron added, “His approach towards takeovers may also not mesh well with today’s corporate culture, except in the Telecom sector.” Woltron also raised questions about personal references listed on the resume. “Sure, bin Laden is a household name, but he is hiding because he is afraid of dying, so reaching him for his recommendations would be difficult, at best.”

If you liked this satire by G. Alan Groop you can see more of his work at Broken Newz.

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