Please help me get my fatwa

My blog, RelapsedCatholic, turns seven this summer. I’ve been provoking, amusing and offending my fellow Canadians (not to mention a lot of Americans) since 2000 — but alas, the real badge of “success” up here eludes me: still no ominous letter from the Human Rights Commission (which exists solely to bankrupt other outspoken, politically incorrect Canadians).

So I’m going for a fatwa instead. Here goes:

Mohammad owned slaves and had sex with a nine year old girl, but his defenders say, “Yeah, but that’s what people did in those days” (these same folks call Jefferson a racist, but never mind that for now.)

But Jesus didn’t do things just because “it was the style at the time.” He ate with “unclean” people, let menstruating women touch him, didn’t get married — in many instances he defied conventional behaviour. Even biblically illiterate atheists know that.

So Mohammad was basically just a conformist of convenience.

“If all your friends had sex with a nine year old, does that mean you would too??”

In Mo’s case, the answer was obviously “yes.”

And we all have moms, so we all know that’s an idiot’s answer.

No wonder Muslim countries are so backward.

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