Profs Gone Wild! Extreme Ultimate Spring Break Volume 6 By Iowahawk
Get ready for even more of the ultimate spring break intellectual experience! You won’t believe the academic insanity as Iowahawk’s Dave Burge and his inquiring camera crew catch real live college faculty getting their freak on at the beach… in the clubs…. even the hot transgressive action back in their hotel symposia! From Rocky Mountain ski lodges to the beaches of Florida and Cuba, to the hot sun of Texas and across the border to Mexico where anything goes, this all-new video is the biggest, craziest, most blazing Profs Gone Wild spring break video yet! Profs Gone Wild: Extreme Ultimate Spring Break Volume 6 – It’s Hot, Tenured, and Out of Control!
Just how hot? Check it out this uncensored clip of the apres ski hot tub action in Vail, when Dave and crew encounter an unsuspecting Native American Studies chairman from the nearby University of Colorado!
Dave: Hey, what’s up?
Professor: Woooo! Spring break is awesome! Jager shots against American Empire! Woooo! Hey, like are you guys making a movie or something?
Dave: For sure. Wanna say anything for the camera?
Professor: Like wha-at?
Dave: I dunno, how about the people who died on 9-11?
Professor: Oka-ay, but you gotta promise my Board of Regents isn’t gonna see it. They were targeting those people I referred to as ‘little Eichmanns.’ These were legitimate targets.
Dave: That was wild!
Professor: Woo! I am so wasted!
Dave: Hey, how about, um, showing us your… tenure?
Professor: ohhh kay….
Dave (to camera): Are you guys getting this?
From the icy cold slopes of Colorado, Dave travels to the Lone Star State to check out the action on Padre Island… and the annual International ANSWER Wet Manifesto Contest! Sounds like this uninhibited journalism prof from the University of Texas has had one too many Tequila Shooter!
Dave: Hi, we’re filming a movie… what’s your name?
Professor: Robert… and I wanna say Hook ‘Em to all my antiwar comrades back in Austin! Wooo! Wooooooooooooo! Wooo, y’all! Wooooooo! Victory to the Iraqi resistance!
Dave: I heard you UT profs were lightweight airheads. Bet you can’t recite an anti-American polemic and touch your elbows behind your back at the same time!
Professor: Oh yeah? Well, look at this, Mister Smartypants. My primary anger is directed at the leaders of this country… [Sept. 11] was no more despicable as the massive acts of terrorism — the deliberate killing of civilians for political purposes — that the U.S. government has committed during my lifetime. (sticks tongue out). Hey, wanna see my tenure?
Dave (at camera): Score!
Next, the Profs Gone Wild crew hits the hot beaches of Daytona… along with special guest star Snoop Dogg! You won’t believe the uncensored academic craziness behind the scenes at the Modern Language Association Jello Shotz Party!
Dave (whispering): Snoop and I got a bet to see which one will say and do the craziest sh*t! Keep the video rolling Duane…
Snoop: Hey dog, where you teach?
Professor #1: Michigan… Go Blue! Beat the Buckeye Zionist Tools!
Snoop: Say what you gotta say.
Professor #1: The rightwing Zionists want to racialize the Sudan conflict in American terms, as “Arab” versus “black African” because they want to use it to play American domestic politics, and create a rift among African-Americans and Arab-Americans.
Snoop: [email protected], that’s some crazy @ss shiznit. How ‘bout you?
Professor #2 (grabbing microphone): I’m Noam from MIT, and I just gotta say that if the Nuremberg laws were applied, then every post-war American president would have been hanged.
Snoop: Show me some more of that, ho.
Snoop: Man, you is one crunk b*tch. Where’d you get that pizimped-out Audi?
Professor #2: My daddy bought it for me. Under capitalism, we can’t have democracy by definition. Capitalism is a system in which the central institutions of society are in principle under autocratic control. Wanna see my tenure?
Snoop: That’s some badonka donk, know what I’m sayn’? What up witchu, girl?
Snoop: Show me you got your freak goin’ on, woman.
Dave: I think we have a winner, Snoop!
Still not hot enough for you? Then watch what happens when Dave and team travel to Cancun, Mexico and follow an entire department of party profs from Columbia University as they stumble from Senor Frogs to Sammy Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Tequila Cantina… and back to the shower of their private condo suite!
Professor #1: (giggle) I am so naughty! I think that the Iraq election is being run with Main Street, U.S.A., more in mind than Main Street, Baghdad, and for them to get away with saying such things depends on our collective gullibility.
Professor #2: (giggle) You think that’s naughty? I think Israel is a military base for the rising predatory empire of the United States! mmm…
Professor #3: (giggle) Oh, yeah, II personally want to see a million more Mogadishus, mmm… (giggle)
Dave: Okay, lets see those tenures… show off those grants…
Dave (leering and nodding to camera): Awwww yeah…
And that’s just a sampling of the crazy 60 minutes of uninhibited thinking from America’s wet and wild faculty lounge hotties. They come from Cal… Penn State… Florida Atlantic… Duke… San Francisco State… Brandeis… from every state U campus in occupied Amerikkka, and they just can’t wait to show you their big bouncy tenures!
Order Profs Gone Wild: Extreme Ultimate Spring Break Volume 6 on VHS or DVD for $29.95, and we’ll throw in a bonus copy of Naughty Candid Journalists Bloopers, caught live at the 2004 GOP convention!
If you enjoyed this satire by Iowahawk, you can read more of his work by clicking here.