Q&A Friday #43: Who Are You Rooting For In The World Cup?

Question: “Who do you favor to win the 2006 Football world cup?” — surfside6

Answer: Like most Americans, I don’t pay much attention to sports that can end in 0-0 ties.

Still, if the US is still in the hunt, I have to root for our country. If we’re not in, is Israel? They would be my second choice because losing to them would humiliate and shame anti-semites all across Europe and the Middle East. If they’re not in, I’d have to go with Britain, Australia, or Poland for going in with us when the war in Iraq started. Beyond those countries, my preference would be for some sort of referee strike that ends the tournament without a winner, because that would be the perfect metaphor for the whole sport.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “Gee, why doesn’t he just look up the teams that are playing?” It’s because soccer is so intensely, overwhelmingly boring that if I actually look at news stories about it, I’ll fall asleep on the spot and will only wake up when my head crashes down on the keyboard — and that would be painful.

PS: In my book, the only real football, is American football. Please pick a more appropriate nickname for soccer like, “Socialism ball” or “Snooze-A-Rama.”

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