Riding The Space Elevator To Victory

Many Republicans, with good reason, are worried about the elections in November of this year. But, never fear, because James D. Miller has the ultimate solution. An idea so powerful, so — let’s call it what it is — unbelievably awesome — that voters will flock to the GOP banner by the millions in order to request, no, scratch, in order to DEMAND, that we build — THE SPACE ELEVATORS:

“For the 2006 midterm elections, Republicans should propose an idea so big that it stretches to the stars. Republicans should commit the government to building a space elevator by 2020.

A space elevator would essentially be a 62,000-mile cable stretching from the earth’s surface out into space. Because one end of the cable would be in high orbit, gravity would prevent it from falling back to earth. Once the cable was in place, space travelers would board an elevator-like device and ride up the cable.

..I admit it: part of the reason I want Republicans to make space elevators part of their 2006 campaign is that I am a Republican and fear that otherwise we will lose considerable power in the midterm elections. A space elevator proposal would be visionary, pro-defense, pro-environment and easy to understand, so it could attract significant support for Republicans.

It would be difficult for Democrats to enthusiastically support a space elevator proposal. The left-wing environmentalists view the threat of global warming primarily as a means of combating capitalism, and they would be horrified by any proposal that could reduce the harm of global warming without curbing commerce.

The Democrats would be uncomfortable with the militarization of space that U.S.-owned space elevators would allow. They would undoubtedly prefer that space elevators be built not by the U.S. but by some international coalition. Such Democratic opposition to a U.S. space elevator would allow Republicans to portray Democrats as being not only weak on defense but also hypocritical on the environment.”

That’s right, Democrats! We’re going to ride the space elevator to victory in 2006 while you sit back, feet planted firmly on the ground, eating our space elevator dust! Plus, imagine riding the elevator up for a space vacation — then hitting golf balls off the side of the station in an effort to clip Chinese satellites a few thousand miles away. That would beat going to Disneyland by a mile!

Ok, that’s enough making fun of Miller’s belief that this would actually help the GOP in the 2006 elections. Certainly, that’s not very realistic. But, all kidding aside, this would likely be a more exciting, beneficial, and cheaper project than Bush’s, “We’re spending all the money in the world to go back to the moon by 2020,” idea.

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