Rumsfeld Sorry for Embarrassing Anti-War Celebrities By Marni Malarkey

Rumsfeld Sorry for Embarrassing Anti-War Celebrities By Marni Malarkey: Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld apologized to the celebrity community for the outcome of the war yesterday at his daily press briefing. “In spite of the joy we feel at what happened in Baghdad this week, it is tinged with sadness as we know that we have embarrassed and disappointed the many members of the celebrity community who wanted us to fail.”

Rumsfeld went on to say that “it is always difficult” to go against celebrity foreign policy analysts and added that he hoped “Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Michael Moore, Edward Norton and the Dixie Chicks will not feel too red-faced and will allow the healing to begin. Listen, I’ve made mistakes in judgment too in my life, and you just have to move forward.”

General Tommy Franks, reached for comment on the road to Kirkuk, said that he also “immediately thought about the celebrities” when he saw his men being mobbed and hugged by jubilant Iraqis after the fall of Baghdad. “It’s always hard to send men into battle, believe me. But all the more so when they succeed and you know that Barbra Streisand is watching.”

If you liked this satire by Marni Malarkey, you can read more of her work at Broken Newz.

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