RWN’s Favorite Futurama Quotes

Futurama is one of my favorite TV shows (I actually own the first 4 seasons on DVD) and I thought it would be fun to put together some of my favorite quotes from the show. Enjoy!

Amazon: You will see our leader.
Fry: Is she hot?
Amazon: That not important. She all knowing.
Fry: In other words, no.

Auctioneer: Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold! To the being of inconceivable horror!
Being of Inconceivable Horror: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
(Pause)
Being of Inconceivable Horror: Will a money order be OK?
Auctioneer: Yes.
Being of Inconceivable Horror: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Basketball Commentator: Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just occurred, in this basketball match between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Beach Bully: “Huhu, err, sir. You don’t understand. I’m a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl, you punch me, I go down, she swoons, you slip me 50 bucks.”
Fry: “50 bucks?! Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her!”
Leela: “Fry!”

Bender: And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Bender: Now normally I charge $500, but since I know you…I’ll have to ask you to pay in advance.

Bender: You’re watching Futurama: the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery

Fry: “Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?”

Gay Hippie: They called me crazy for building this ark.
Old Hippie: You ARE crazy. You filled it with same sex animal couples.
Gay Hippie: Hey, there are parts of the bible I like and parts I don’t like.

Fry: This was our storage closet. My Dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter.
Leela: And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war.
Bender: What a waste.

Lawyer: “To my loyal butler, “You There”, for his decades of service, I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of one twentieth of a pittance each. To my lazy spoiled son Tandy, who never learned the value of a dollar, I leave my entire million dollar fortune.”
Tandy: “Is that a lot?”
Lawyer: “And to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he’s not responsible for my death, I leave my castle.”
Bender: “Let’s stay there tonight!”
Lawyer: “On condition he stays there one night.”
Bender: “Aw, there’s always a catch!”

Leela: This is Fry’s decision. And he made it wrong, so it’s time for us to interfere in his life.

Leela: wow, aren’t you Zapp Brannigan? you stopped the fleet of kill bots, right? how did you do it?
Zapp Brannigan: it was simple really. Kill-bots have a preset “kill limit”, once they reach this limit, they shut down. knowing their weakness, i just sent wave after wave of our own men into battle against them, once they killed them all, they were effectively shut down.

Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Fry: Well let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Bender: Too much work. Let’s we burn it and *say* we dumped it in the sewer.

Leela: I’ll find Fry’s coffin, get his corpse, and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he’s really dead. That’ll prove I’m not insane!

Leela: Bees communicate by dancing.
Fry: Just like my parents! Oh wait, that was hitting.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Everyone’s always in favour of saving Hitler’s brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you’ve gone too far!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Now that you’re our new employees, I’d like you to have a look at our commercial. I paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl.
Fry: Wow.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Not on the same channel, of course…

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You must take him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.
Fry: Oh baby. I’m THERE.
Leela: Fry, do you even understand the word “invertebrate”?
Fry: Nope, but that’s not the word I’m interested in.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth (on the phone): Oh how awful. Did he at least die peacefully?
(Pause)
Professor Hubert Farnsworth (on the phone): To shreds you say, tsk tsk tsk. Well, how’s his wife holding up?
(Pause)
Professor Hubert Farnsworth (on the phone): To shreds, you say.

Reporter (At a homeless robot shelter): Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies. And there’d have to be a lot of them.

Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Zapp Brannigan: Mmm… Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it, “The Lovenasium”.

Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Zapp Brannigan (To Fry who’s pretending to be dating Leela): But as a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman, I’ll be on Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.

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