Saddam Requests Jackson’s Jury — Satire By Andy Borowitz
Asks Accuser’s Mom to Testify Against Him
Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein startled the international legal community today by requesting that the jury in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial be empanelled to sit in judgment of him when his trial gets underway in Baghdad.
The Iraqi dictator made the extraordinary request in a special hearing today, telling the judge in his case, “There is no jury in the world better qualified to hear my case than those twelve people who just let Michael Jackson walk.”
In addition to requesting the Jackson jury, Saddam also requested that the mother of Mr. Jackson’s accuser be called upon to testify against him in his trial.
The Iraqi madman, who had been gloomy and depressed in recent months, reportedly “perked up” when the Jackson verdict was announced earlier this week, sources inside his prison said.
“When the verdict was read and it was not guilty on all counts, Saddam practically jumped out of his chair,” one source said. “He was like, ‘I’ve got to get that jury – they’re awesome!’”
While international human rights groups scrambled to examine the legal and ethical issues involved in bringing the entire Jackson jury to Iraq, a spokesperson for the jury said that the twelve men and women might not be willing to make the journey from Santa Maria, California to Baghdad.
“These are twelve very busy people,” said the spokesperson, Stacy DeLone. “They all have book and movie deals – plus, Milosevic asked first.”
Elsewhere, coach Phil Jackson called his return to the Los Angeles Lakers “a story of redemption, reconciliation, and 10 million dollars a year.”
This satire was used with the permission of The Borowitz Report.