Teachers’ Union Suit Sparks ‘No Bureaucrat Left Behind’ — Satire By Scott Ott

President George Bush, faced with a teacher’s union lawsuit over his ‘No Child Left Behind’ public education accountability mandates, announced a sweeping new reform proposal for the U.S. Department of Education.

Dubbed ‘No Bureaucrat Left Behind’ the new plan would address teachers’ union complaints about unfunded federal mandates by removing the mandates, the funding and the federal role in public education.

“When I read the NEA lawsuit,” said Mr. Bush, “I realized that as long as we funnel education money through Washington D.C., we provide teachers’ unions with an excuse for their poor performance. Blame Bush. Blame Congress. Blame the Department of Education. But if all the money is raised and spent at the local level, then taxpayers can hold the unions accountable.”

The ‘No Bureaucrat Left Behind’ reforms will completely shut down the federal Department of Education, however, all former employees are expected to find jobs with education lobbyist firms which will soon have to sell their ideas to thousands of school boards nationwide, instead of just a handful of Congressmen.

In Peculiar, Missouri, one unnamed local school board member remarked, “It sounds like a good plan to me. I’m looking forward to going on some of those lobbyist-funded junkets.”

Satire used with permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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