The California Goober Debate By Frank J.
I was flipping around the channel saying, “Dude, there’s nothing on,” when I saw what I thought was this Arnold Schwarzenegger movie I had never seen before. Instead, it was the California recall debate. So I watched the whole thing, and here is a summary:
* Other than Arnold, McClintock, and Bustamante, there was also Arianna Huffington and a Green party candidate just to make things wacky.
* Gray Davis wasn’t there because no one likes him.
* Arianna’s job seemed to be to enrage Arnold and to stray so far off topic that the other candidates would forget what the original question was. She also seemed to be trying to engage President Bush in a debate who never responded, using the excuse that he was 3,000 miles away and not running for governor.
* A big deal was made about how the candidates got the questions ahead of time, but the whole debate ended up being so chaotic that you wouldn’t of known. It did everything but break down into a kung-fu fight, which, as the other candidates realized, would have just benefited Arnold.
* Early on, Arnold quipped to the Green Party candidate, “You make me laugh; I’ll kill you last.” Soon after, though, he crushed the Green Party candidate’s head with his two massive hands. Many are now saying this shows that Arnold will not keep his campaign promises, but his defenders said he was at least forthright about this reversal in position, as, just before crushing him, he told the Green Party candidate, “You know when I told you I would kill you last? I lied.”
* Arianna eventually bothered Arnold so much that he yelled, “Hasta la vista, baby!” and then blew her up with a rocket launcher. Arianna Huffington died as she lived: extremely off topic.
* Bustamante, who referred to illegal aliens as “indigenous”, eventually broke down from the attacks and pulled out a knife and yelled, “I’m going to cut you gringos!” Arnold then rebutted by saying, “Big mistake,” and threw Bustamante through the back wall.
* The moderator was a bit annoying, making far too many jokes. Eventually, Arnold became fed up with him, shouted his famous movie line, “I kill you good now!” and snapped the moderator’s neck. The debate went more smoothly afterwards.
* McClintock said some things about people leaving for Arizona and Nevada.
After the debate, Fox News had on some commentators, one for the Republicans, one for the Democrat, and a circus clown to represent the other two. The Republican said that McClintock won the debate, but Arnold probably did well enough to keep his lead over him. The Democrat said the whole thing was so silly that it probably would help Davis; otherwise Bustamante would win. The circus clown tied a balloon and then said, “Hey! Look! A pony!” which is the best one could say for the Green Party candidate and Arianna Huffington (who are dead now).
Personally, I think McClintock did the best, sounding very professional and staying out of the silly bickering. I kinda now wish Arnold would drop out and support him. Arnold could always try some other job… like maybe a doctor!
“I have good news, Mr. Johnson; the test shows that the growth is benign.”
“So what does that mean, Dr. Schwarzenegger?”
“Very simply… IT’S NAUGHT A TOO-MAH!”
Heh heh. I don’t care if you found that funny; it always cracks me up.
If you liked this satire by Frank J you can read more of his work IMAO.