The Future of the Republicans

07 Feb, 2008 by Frank J.

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What now for the Republican Party? It’s been in a downward spiral for some time, but it never has seemed to hit rock bottom… at least not enough to try and do any better. Now we can’t even get a conservative elected in a Republican primary; can it get much worse?

I guess the Republicans are like a self-destructive alcoholic, and the Democrats are enablers by sucking so badly that the Republicans don’t have to strive to be any better. Now, a party that is an abusive drunk would actually be kinda cool if it took out all its inebriated rage on foreign countries, but the Republican Party is more of a quiet drunk, sitting in the corner mumbling while wasting all its money on booze.

So, can we build up the Republican Party without having a huge loss first (and apparently it has to be really huge since 2006 wasn’t enough)? Are things going to have to suck even more with liberals in charge of all three branches before we can get better? There’s a war on, though, and we don’t really have time for the Republicans to find themselves.

The thing is, conservatives just want to fight for something, but we’re not sure what we can fight right now. We want to fight terrorists, but we first have to fight the hippies to be able to do that properly. The only problem is that there is no valiant leader shouting, “Strike the hippies now! They are small and weak and shall fall easily to our might!” That’s what we Republicans need: A hippie-slaying warrior king. First person to go into Berkeley and trash the hippies will be the new future leader of the Republicans. Hopefully someone will do it soon.

Cross-posted from IMAO, the fun, happy blog.