The Onion Has Been Updated:

The Onion Has Been Updated: The Onion has been on a roll lately and their latest issue is no exception. Here’s the best material from the latest issue with a quote or opener from each article to whet your interest…

What Do You Think? The India/Pakistan Conflict? Why would they fear a nuclear war? Pakistan’s Muslims have an eternity of honeyed figs awaiting them in the afterlife, and India’s Hindus will all just get reincarnated.

Infographic: The FBI Overhaul: Under fire for pre 9/11 intelligence breakdowns, the FBI unveiled a sweeping reform plan last week. Among the proposed changes was…

For every successful terrorist strike against the US, bureau must put quarter in “terrorism jar.”

Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason: Everything is fine. You have nothing to worry about,” said Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge during a televised press conference. “Still, just to be 100 percent on the safe side, I would urge all Americans to keep these life vests on at all times.”

Klan Rally 70% Undercover Reporters: Vowing to “defend white Christian America against its mongrel assailants,” some 20 members of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and more than 45 investigative reporters posing as members rallied on the steps of Spartanburg’s city hall Saturday.

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