The TNOYF Bible Story Series Volume II: Obamessiah Feeds The Multitudes

Obamamessiah Large crowds followed the Obamessiah because the Great White-Haired Prophet, Chris Matthews, had spoken of His many great miracles, and the tingling they produced. These people wanted healing. Healing in the form of universal health care for themselves and their families.

After a grueling primary, the Obamessiah and his disciples were tired and needed to get away and be by themselves for awhile.

He and his followers crossed “The Great Plains of Gun-Clinging Ignorance” (oft referred to as “Middle America”) with much haste. As they arrived in the promised land of Berkeley, great crowds greeted them, emerging from coffee shops and the basements of their mothers and step-fathers.

As the end of the day drew near, His disciples came to Him and suggested that He send the crowd away, for their collective odor was beginning to foul the air.

“Let us find a place to eat and sleep, and possibly form an impromptu pro-abortion rally,” they implored Him.

Obamessiah declined, “They do not need to go away. Bathe, perhaps, but not go away. Give them something to eat.”

His disciples were stunned. Although the crowd fell short of MSNBC’s reported 25 million, there were still nearly 5,ooo men, women, and transgendered “tweeners” to feed.

The disciples knew they did not have enough money to buy them all food, and there was no time for members of the crowd to make it back to their parents’ houses for a quick loan.

But The Obamessiah was testing them. He saw their consternation.

“My children, gather round,” He said. “Tell me, how does one obtain food?”

There was a period of silence as his followers thought.

“Wish really hard?” ventured one.

“Possibly,” He replied.

“The Tofu Fairy?” asked another.

“At times, yes,” He said.

“Get a job, earn money, and purchase it in a store?” offered yet another.

“Heh heh heh,” He replied, tousling the hair of the young follower. “You have made the Obamessiah smile, my son, but no.”

“The government!” yelled one astute disciple named Neil, producing gasps from the others.

“Precisely,” said He. “You are clearly wise in the ways of forcible resource redistribution. Continue.”

“Well, uh,” Neil continued, “because of the inherent unfairness of our…capitalistic system, it often becomes necessary for the…benevolent government to step in and…make things more fair.”

Obamessiah smiled, and the group nodded approvingly.

And then, using the authority vested in Him under the recently passed Federal Food and Drink Fairness Act, He sent his disciples to the homes of the obscenely rich local gentry to confiscate their food.

And it was good. The greater good.

This satire was used with the permission of The Nose On Your Face.

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