The Top 10 Fun Facts About Social Security By Frank J.
* Social Security is founded on the principle, that, because some people won’t save for retirement, all must be punished.
* The deduction from each paycheck for Social Security is listed as FICA or Med or some such crap. The reason they don’t call the deduction “Money we’re stealing for the so-called Social Security” is because that would be too long.
* That’s the same reason they don’t call the deduction “black hole from whence you’ll never ever see your money again.”
* If you refuse to give the government your money and invest it for your own retirement, the government will send police to your home to shoot you… but it’s for your own good.
* Social Security is often called the third rail of politics because to mention reforming it will cause the Democrats to lie that Republicans want to throw old people out on the street. Republicans really do want to throw old people out on the street, but the Democrats don’t know that so they are lying.
* Old people are a solid voting block because they have absolutely nothing better to do. Hell, voting is the highlight of their year. Maybe if you just visited you parents or grandparents more at the retirement home, they wouldn’t be so quick to vote to steal your money.
* In a fight between Social Security and Aquaman, Aquaman would die of a jellyfish sting way before he is old enough to receive payments.
* If you think Social Security is sneaking up behind you, quickly turn around and empty your gun in its direction and then throw your gun at it. It’s going to steal all your money!
* If you are currently collecting Social Security, make sure the payment is correct, and, if not, go to the Social Security office and complain until you get every last red cent. It’s not like you have anything better to do that make sure you steal all my money, you old geezer!
* IMAO would like to retract that last bullet point. We appreciate every old geezer who reads us.
Satire used with permission of Frank J. from IMAO. You can read more of his work by clicking here.