Time to Make August Exciting… Politically! — Satire By Frank J.
Man, it’s rough for us pundits (or those of us who play pundit on the internet). August is always the most boring month politically… and this is an off-year! No big elections for over a year! I mean, we’re really grasping at straws for something to talk about.
Does it have to be this way, though? How about we have a few special things happen on August on every odd-numbered year to make it the most exciting time politically outside of a presidential election. Isn’t that a great idea?
Of course it is!
Ideas for making August the most exciting month in politics
Here are my suggestions:
* Random Special Governor Election! Look at the surprise of one governor as he is randomly picked to have a special election in one month! Watch as the other party scrambles to get a candidate! Excitement!
* Politics for the Pretty! Have a special Miss USA contest where the winner gets an extra Congressman and electoral vote for her state. The swimsuit competition could determine the future of our country!
* Paintball! Paintball game between Republican and Democrat Senators. Winning side gets ten extra one-time votes to use on any bill or bills they want. Your Senator better have dead aim, because you never know when those surprise votes could turn the tide!
* Wheel… of… War! A wheel is spun with a list of countries we don’t like. Whoever the wheel picks gets a barrage of cruise missiles. Will they just sit back and take it, or will they strike back? Such excitement as we wait to find out! If the wheel lands on “Bankrupt,” nothing happens because we’re already hugely in debt.
* Monkey Congressman! A monkey is dressed in a suit and added to congress. Will he vote randomly, or can one party tempt him with bananas to vote as they want him to?
* Get Out of Supreme Court Free Card! The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court will set out a jar of jellybeans. Whichever politician comes closest to guessing how many jellybeans are in the jar will be able to have any case he or she wants automatically thrown out of the Supreme Court!
* Bribes Are Legal Tuesday! Only on the first Tuesday in August, it’s legal to bribe your Congressman. Better rush to the bank!
* Battle to the Death! One Republican and one Democrats congressman are picked at random to fight to the death. Even more exciting than the blood-letting will be the pundits speculating weeks ahead on how the shift in power in Congress based on who wins will affect political posturing!
See, with just a little ingenuity, August on off-years can become “Political Fun Month!” Yay!
This satire was used with the permission of IMAO.