Top Ten Ways The Democrats Can Ensure Victory In The Presidential Election By Frank J.
Last week, I listed how Bush could lose reelection. Now, here’s how the Democrats can win.
TOP TEN WAYS THE DEMOCRATS CAN ENSURE VICTORY IN THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
10. So as not to scare moderates, lock all the extreme wacko leftists in an underground cavern feeding them nothing but sardine heads and anti-Bush rhetoric until Election Day.
9. Though I’m pretty sure Satan is a registered independent, you could win the favor of his evil power by sacrificing a goat in his honor or sending him a fruit basket.
8. Gain even more potential Democrat voters by making sure that convicted felons, the criminally insane, dead people, and feces-throwing monkeys have the right to vote.
7. Don’t fall for the temptation to look tough on terrorists as that will make you lose the important “Death to America!” vote.
6. Get lots of free publicity by having attractive, female staffers have “wardrobe malfunctions” during rallies.
5. If presidential candidate had served in Vietnam, make sure to mention it.
4. Texas has a large number of electoral votes certain to go to Bush. As Janet Reno demonstrated, it’s quite flammable, and “accidents” happen.
3. Say that, if the Democrat wins, a large number of puppies will be given to orphans, but, if the Democrat loses, the puppies will be drowned while the orphans are forced to watch.
2. Use more advanced AI on voting machines so that they know that improperly punching a ballot or just staring at the voting machine and drooling are meant to be votes for the Democrat.
And the number one way Democrats can ensure victory in the presidential election…
1) Run for president in some other country, you pinkos.
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.