What People Want From A Relationship

A new friend wrote a post in response to Maureen Dowd’s man-discomfort phase (glad she seems to be finally out of it) a couple years ago, but it seems so prescient even now. He said:

The idea that men want women who are not intellectually challenging, or smart, or funny, or witty, or exciting, or career driven or “successful”–at anything–is bogus. But nor is it proper to assert that men always want the smartest girl in the room. Guys and girls, who want to get married, are always looking for the right fit. They are looking for the person who makes them laugh, who they can talk to, party with, but who they can also just sit with. They are looking for the person who “gets” them, who they’re attracted to, who they respect, who they want to see grow both spiritually and professionally, and who helps them do the same. That’s who most men, real men anyway, and real women, are looking for.

And there is no formula for success. Because that’s not what marriage is. Your spouse is not a notch on the bedpost, or an acquisition, or a trophy, or a psyche validation, or a servant, or the next chapter in Maureen’s book. Your spouse is your heart, your love and your life–and between the two of you that is a total effort of being. And when you find the right person, you give that freely, always.

And the beauty of it is, the men and women who are out there looking always seem to converge on that same truth. It’s just a question of finding one another.

Do you think this is true? Is this what everyone looks for?

Cross-posted at MelissaClouthier.com

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