Why Bush Is Probably Not Hitler By Frank J.
Some people seem to believe that Bush is Hitler, and I think that is wrong. Seems to me it’s time for an enlightening essay.
Why Bush Is Probably Not Hitler
by Frank J.
While it is very hard if not impossible to prove a negative, i.e. Bush not being Hitler, I will do my best because I believe that he is in fact not Hitler. After doing some research, I found out that Hitler was born in Austria in 1889 and died in Germany in 1945 (coincidentally, the same year WWII ended). George W. Bush, on the other hand, was born in America in 1946 and, to my knowledge, is still alive. That by itself seems to be ample evidence that Bush could in no way be Hitler. But there is even more evidence against Bush being Hitler. Hitler was known for having a mustache and being hatless, while Bush is clean-shaven and wears a cowboy hat. That’s quite a stark contrast. Also, Bush speaks garbled English, while Hitler spoke angry, angry German. Hitler was also known to kill millions of Jews, while Bush has killed no Jews that I know of. It is rumored that he once punched an Episcopalian, though. And, while Hitler liked to kill oppressed ethnic minorities, Bush want to kill terrorists, who are under-oppressed criminals. Furthermore, Bush has deposed evil dictators, while, presumably, Hitler would want to be buddy-buddy with fellow mean people and probably play golf with them. Also, when Bush has invaded a country, he’s established democracy there while Hitler would probably want to do mean evil things to the people and not let them vote. And Hitler starred as a loveable tramp in a number of silent, comedic movies, while Bush has shown little comedic acting ability in his two Barney Christmas movies. Finally, Hitler would kill anyone who spoke out against him while Bush doesn’t kill any of his dissenters despite them really, really asking for it.
So who is Hitler? Anyone ever think that maybe he’s Howard Dean? I don’t know what year Howard Dean was born – as I don’t feel like looking it up – but it could be the same year as Hitler! Notice how both “Howard” and “Hitler” start with an ‘h’. This could be a subtle hint… from Hitler! Also, if you shaved Hitler mustaches, restyled his hair, and made him a lot angrier, don’t you think he’d look a lot like Howard Dean? And I’ve never heard Howard Dean say not to kill millions of Jews. Furthermore, I’d really like to punch Howard Dean supporters just like I’d like to punch the supporters of Hitler, the Nazis. And what did Howard Dean do during the Vietnam war? He went skiing, just like Hitler. Finally, why was Howard Dean against deposing Saddam Hussein? Maybe it was because he was afraid next they’d be after other evil dictators like himself, Hitler.
In conclusion, the evidence shows that it is very unlikely that George W. Bush is Hitler, but there is ample conjecture that Howard Dean is. Please pass this information to people who it might interest like those at Moveon.org and the Democratic Underground. Thank you.
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.