With All the Different Types of Governments to Choose From, How Can You Go Wrong?
With All the Different Types of Governments to Choose From, How Can You Go Wrong? By Frank J: So now the question is what kind of government should we, the benevolent U.S., establish in Iraq. Before they had a dictator, which made them a dictocracy. Most people want to now establish a democracy, but that doesn’t just magically make a good government like some people think. What if the people voting are all jack*sses and they elect crack mayors like in D.C.? So here are some other government suggestions.
Republic: This is where Republicans rule the government. This is the one we have and the best of the imperfect governments.
Monarchy: A monarchy is a government ruled by a monarch. According to my dictionary, a monarch is a type of butterfly. This government probably occurs in Europe where people are pansies and might be scared of butterflies. Come on; it’s just a butterfly! Bloody coup!
Anarchy: This is where you loot things and smash windows. It’s a lot of fun until finally you’re like, “Hey, there are no more windows left to smash! Isn’t someone going to fix the windows?” and someone else says, “No, dude, this is an anarchy.” So then another government has to be set up so the windows can be fixed. Thus anarchy can only last in spurts.
Feudal System: This is a system that involves a lot of arguments, or “Feuding”. I think it’s stupid, but others may violent disagree, and then we’d have a feudal system.
Autocracy: This is a government ruled by intelligent automobiles. It is the current government of Japan.
Plutocracy: This is a government ruled by Mickey Mouse’s dog, Pluto, who is tough but fair. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with the planet Pluto, which I tell you is one day going to collide into Neptune. Yeah, the scientist say that ain’t gonna happen, but I don’t believe them. For God’s sake, stay off of Pluto!
Ninjatocracy: This is a government that involves a lot of flipping around and cutting people’s heads off. It’s totally sweet.
Smurfaucracy: This is a form a government where one Iraqi would be the leader and named “Papa Iraqi” and everyone else would get names based on their personalities, like “Brainy Iraqi”, “Brawny Iraqi”, “Greedy Iraqi”, and “Perverted Iraqi.” One woman would be named “Iraqette.” I’m not sure what would happen to the other women. Also, Iraq and Iraqi would become a universal words that could mean anything – adjective, verb, or noun – just like the f-word but not vulgar. Plus, I think everyone would have to live in mushroom houses. In the one instance this government was practiced, everyone looked happy, but you could sense a deep sadness behind their eyes that told you that everything was not quite so Iraqi.
Popadopalocracy: This is a form of a government that… okay I made this one up.
Chiracracy: Rule comes from a cowardly weasel. Popular in Old Europe.
Benevolent Dictator: This is the theoretical perfect form of government, where one all-knowing and all-caring individual would rule the country… so this is like if I ruled Iraq. But I have a fulltime job and this blog to keep up, so rule your own damn country.
If you liked this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.