You Say Ghadafi, I Say Quadaffi By Happy Dog
Libyan dictator Col. Moammar Ghadafi announced last week that he is shutting down his country’s weapons of mass destruction development programs, destroying remaining weapons stocks, and allowing UN inspectors full access to supervise disarmament. When asked if the U.S. capture of Iraq’s tyrant Saddam Hussein influenced his decision, Col. Ghadafi revealed that he could no longer pay for weapons components, as he and his credit rating have fallen victim to identity theft.
“You’d think these boneheads would at least ask for picture ID! I mean, I am somewhat well known. What do I have to do- marry J-lo?” the exasperated strongman stated. “There are hundreds of idiots using my name, and they misspell it so many ways, nobody knows who the hell I am anymore! I get VISA bills for Muammar Khadaffi, Quadafi, Gadaffi, and Qadaffi… I’ve got bill collectors after me from all over the world! I mean, I can guaran-damn-tee that I did NOT buy a rototiller at the Wal Mart in Natchez, Mississippi, but try telling that to the clown on the phone telling me I have 30 days to pay or the repo man will be knocking on my door!”
“The last straw was when I got suckered by some phishers using the eBay scam. I get this official looking email saying my bid for some yellow cake uranium had been accepted, but they needed my account number and personal information. It looked legit, so like a sucker I sent it to them. Bam-my credit rating was hit by a bunker buster, and it will take years to straighten this mess out!”
The Colonel also mentioned that since Saddam will likely be defaulting on his bills for weapons from France, Germany, and North Korea, they have been extremely hesitant to extend credit. “I can understand, they took a big hit on Iraq, but I’m the one who is paying for their stupidity. It’s not fair, but that’s life. But if I ever get this straightened out and I get my hands on a nuke, then I’m taking out Nigeria- I mean, you’d think they’d at least come up with a new email scam, but every day, always my inbox has at least 20 emails from some Nigerian trying to get $16 million bucks out of the country. Hell, you could BUY that dump for 16 large, and they’d probably throw in Chad!”
Col. Ghadifi also stated that for sake of simplicity, he is legally changing his name to Bob Jones, or Bhab Jihones according to Reuters, Baab Zhonez to the BBC, Bahab al Ghonis at CNN, and Shish ka Bob at FOX News.
If you enjoyed this satire by Happy Dog, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.