No “Glo-Bull” Warming in Canada and Way too Much Bull ‘Moose-ing”
Global warming “hysterics” keep losing steam and credibility. Neurotic climate change biologists regretfully report: Polar bear populations are booming.
“We are hoping for a reduction of moose densities in the province for ecological reasons as well as human safety reasons,” said [St. John’s attorney] Ches Crosbie. “They’re eating us out of house and home, here.”
Crosbie has launched a lawsuit against the provincial attorney general, calling for a halving of the moose population and financial compensation for people who have been seriously injured in car accidents involving moose. So far, 40 people have signed on to the class action suit, he added.
The province is home to about 120,000 moose, according to the provincial government. For a population of about 509,700 people, that works out to one moose for every four Newfoundlanders. In Ontario, to contrast, there is about one moose for every 121 people.
Newfoundland and Labrador’s Department of Transportation website warns “Moose Are Unpredictable,” and urges drivers to pay special attention at night. A Canadian Geographic documentary refers to Newfoundland and Labrador’s moose population as “thousand-pound rabbits on stilts.” Moose have achieved the greatest population density anywhere on Earth in Newfoundland, according to “The Moose: Canada’s Most Dangerous Animal.”
When asked how Newfoundland and Labrador would go about killing off 60,000 moose, Crosbie replied it would be up to the government. “I’m not an expert,” he said.”
Naughty Rex Murphy from the [Canadian] National Post, who is not necessarily a “greenie,” thinks the environmentalist movement might want to take an interest in the Newfie moose crisis : If not for the PEOPLE, he posits, kill moose for “carbon reduction.” If environmentalists are concerned about cow and camel fartings, Murphy says it’s much worse when a moose lets loose:
“This brings me to Australia, which has a population of wild or feral camels almost one-million strong. Camels are among the most prodigious “flatulators” on the planet. It is not a good thing, weeping and nearly blind Australians assure us, to be downwind when either one camel or (God save the mark) a whole bunch of them, decide to pass gas. And such gas: not just carbon dioxide, but methane, a terrifically more potent greenhouse gas. Indeed, the rear end of the wild Australian camel in full flatulent mode is (according to Aussie greens) bringing the world dangerously close to a global-warming apocalypse.
The Australians’ idea is to shoot the camels to save the planet. A company called Northwest Carbon has proposed the notion, utilizing helicopters to maximize the cull. The head of that company (his own words cannot be bettered) “calculates that each of the feral dromedaries roaming Australia’s mostly desolate interior belches or farts out no less than 45kg of methane each year, equating [in global-warming terms] to a thumping ton of CO2. On average, each camel assassination will prevent the [lifelong] equivalent of 15 tonnes of carbon emissions.” Under Australia’s latest green scheme, the shooter would then be eligible to receive a carbon trading certificate, which is easily monetized. The prospect of green money for doing in the feral camel will no doubt ignite all serious environmentalists in Australia to bring out their guns and rent a helicopter.
Now, I am not sure that as a source of flatulence the Newfoundland moose can make any claim to be in the same league as the Aussie dromedary. For the sake of all my fellow Newfoundlanders, I truly hope it is not. But it is vegetarian – eats leaves and stuff – so we know it’s gassy.
So let us take a page from progressive Australia, and put the moose to the gun for the sake of our common planet. And, incidentally, reduce the pileups on the TransCanada and minimize the threat to innocent tourists.
Thank you Australia. Thank you greens. Your example is a light unto the nations, and every wickedly flatulent camel’s greatest nightmare.”